Why I cry.

Seeing my friends so happy makes me so happy but on a darker note, it makes me jealous sometimes. That is the reason I cry. What reason you say? sorry if I am unclear I cry because I'm missing that happiness sometimes. Sometimes I search high, sometimes I search low but I do not find so I cry. I cry because I see other families so full of joy, I am jealous, but then I look at my family seeing that I am the only one to blame, I ashamed this is why I cry. Sometimes I cry because I overwhelmed with many things but I know I will get it done and get through it because these special people in my life help me through it but on top of that parents are nagging, moms are screaming, scolding, even striaght up bitching at you to the point where you want get up pack up your stuff and leave. But I don't want to leave because I am angry or annoyed. I want to leave because I think it will make my family happier that is why I cry these tears of sorrow. I sometimes put on that fake smile so that no one will worry but inside the sorrow, the pain, the remorse, the anger, the fear, the darkness and the aching heart is slowly and painfully eating away inside. At times it hurts so much that it feels like my insides are slowly being torn out but i painfully put on that fake smile so not to worry other people. But people find out why and ask what is wrong? Sometimes I tell them, sometimes I put on that fake smile and say why, nothing is wrong, I am fine but inside I cry. I don't tell people sometimes because I do not want to burden them with my problems they have problems of their own to worry about but I am willing with every ounce of will power will be there for them. I cry because talking about it doesn't always help it helps a little but that is why I cry, to try and release all those emotions that is why I cry. I cry on the inside because there is no one to see me cry on the inside. Is crying a sign of weakness in an adolecnet boy? I thought it was for 7 years of my life until I realized that crying is just a way to realease tension within the spirit that is why I cry. But when I cry I know I have friends that are here to help comfort me. Thank You also to the one above for allowing so many wonderful people to surround me. Even though I am ungrateful soemtimes, please know that deep down I am greatful for all of you please forgive me for all I have done wrong.
Special thanks to: God, Matt, Shirley, Duyen, Duy, Angela, Anthony, Martin, Nhi, Kelby, Paula, Vi, Martin, and Viet.
Thanks so much guys/ladies I don't what I would do without any of you.
Sorry if didn't mention you no hard feelings /: