No Peace

Peace is always so hard to fine weather it's inside or outside. That's how I feel. I have the greatest friends ever they're practically family. I also have the greatest parents ever even though they can be annoying and sometimes very close minded but without my friends and family that I have today, I'd be lower than dirt. Inner peace is so hard to find for me. I have so many emotions I wish to express but am afraid too for fear of being called weak directly or indirectly, in the mind or outside the mind. I'm good at retaining those emotions I guess but sometimes when you get me in the mood and I just feel sad because of school, parents, friends and life in general. I always feel the war inside me. Emotions clashing head, destroying whatever is inside until one day there will nothing left to destroy. I want to talk about the feelings I have but its just the same anger and sadness that comes back to haunt me in my sleep and in my day. I am afraid to say how I feel because I am self conscience. Very conscience about the things I say or do. I guess I try to hard to please people and I guess that's not myself. Well to be honest I don't who I am yet. I feel that I'm trying too hard to be something I am trying to figure who I am but in the end I go back to square one, questioning myself is this who I really am? But do you know what? I'm tired everything. I'm tired of questioning. I'm tired of the pain that is building up inside, I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of thinking, I'm tired of school, I'm tired of work, I AM TIRED OF LIFE! I wish life was easier. I wish there was more peace than there is now, I wish to make my family proud, I wish... I wish.. I wish sigh*