Reflection 2/rant

Lately, things haven't been going too well. I've been getting into short heated arguments with my mom and it always ends up with me "losing" because she tells me the fucking shut up except like just shut up or I'll smack you kinda thing. It seriously pisses me off cause she fucking admit that she fucking wrong and it's like WHAT FUCKING HELL! you want me to get off the fucking computer and not sit in front of a fucking screen and so I do that my joining fucking activities and then you fucking say oh you're FUCKING IN TOO MANY already WHAT THE FUCKING HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO THEN?! FUCKING HERE sigh* I'll list the fucking activities

Sunday-Van Nghe and that's Fucking it

What the fuck you want me to fucking do?

Is one thing too much? are you fucking serious?

Just because of me fucking grades I can't join other stuff cause oh it's on Friday i.e FEDs.
OMG IT'S A FUCKING FRIDAY WHAT THE FUCKING HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING DO? OH OKAY I'll just do my fucking homework IT'S THE FUCKING WEEKEND okay sure I need to fucking get my hw done but I have freaking Thursday night and Saturday morning-eveningish and Sunday night. AND FUCK you FUCKING THINK I'm FUCKING KID STILL you can't FUCKING HOLD ON to me for fucking forever No matter how much you fucking want to YOU FUCKING CAN't fuck!You know maybe cause you're fucking always working working working working I mean fuck take a fucking break a day or so. You always fucking complain that oh you're like a servant or house cleaner I mean fuck seriously you're not because you can choose when to breaks you don't have to do fucking everything in one day. Fuck seriously my mom does the same fucking thing everyday clean clean clean and cook seriously you can break a day fuck. And when I tell you fucking throw it back in my face and say who the hell's going to do it then? and fuck! you know what I want fucking smack you across the face and say it's because nothing ever FUCKING satisfy you. YOU ARE ALWAYS FUCKING BITCHING at everything you fucking perfectionist and can't fucking CHILL the fuck out. And fuck all you ever do is stay at home and "look" for a job you've been looking for a job for the past fucking 5 years I mean sure that's important but at least if you want me to get off the computer, at least make some fucking effort to drive me to places every once and awhile. It's like fucking like okay I want my son to be involved but I don't want to drive him anywhere or oh I don't want to be fucking stuck in traffic WHAT THE FUCK?! WHO FUCKING DOES?! I guess I'm being selfish no I think I actually am being selfish but seriously it pisses me off so fucking much.
I clean my room, I clean the area I work in and fucking I clean the house too but but you/I don't even fucking have too! You are fucking pickiest I know besides Justin (little brother) seriously. And you fucking always criticize people for fucking having a spec in their eye but you don't fucking notice the fucking big ass whole in your FUCKING face! sigh*

Seriously mom if you ever read this you probably be hella pissed off but here are things you need to work on.

Being patient

Be more open minded

calm the fuck down

Relax

shrink your fucking ego

Don't throw a fucking tantrum when someone does something wrong

And when arguing don't get fucking pissed when people raise their voice its because you always provoke the fucking Anger in everything.

You also need to get out more you're always cooped up in the house seriously call up your friends like once a week you need the breaks I know you're stressed out about many things but relax every once and awhile will ya?

Reflection.

Now that I'm calmed down, I can criticize myself.

I think there are many aspects of myself that need work. I think I talk way too much and fail to realize that people have their own problems too I try to ask them usually. But yea I'm working, trying to be selfless and not selfish. And you know I feel that I am so clingy I cling to my friends way to much like my best friends I want to talk to them at once everyday but you know in times of business, there is not really time for idle chatter and I believe I fail to realize that this is not a great time to talk and sometimes I fail to realize to stfu. So yea I also am trying to work on my humbleness I think I get all high and mighty and then make a fool of myself. And one thing I seriously need to work I think is getting all my emotions out. I hate crying because I guess it's a sign of weakness so I try crying alone but it doesn't work I mean it worked for awhile but then I sorta got used to it and I just kept everything bottled up. I mean I know there are many shoulder for me to cry on or at least I think so but only a few have seen really cry or heard. Thanks guys/gals but yea I try my best to be a happy and mellow person and I guess I only show the pain that is bottled up when speaking one on one sorta so I guess I need to open up more. I like to say that my life is an open book but I don't know anymore. And one big thing I think I really need to work on is being myself I guess. When hanging in large groups I tend to stray away sorta because I don't like saying stupid things yet I still do and I get shut down, made fun of, and horribly trampled on. When people insult me, I just take it cause I can't back with anything /: I'm actually a very stupid person and on top of that an Asian failure. oh another thing to I need to work on is to stop being pessimistic. I've seen that lately in myself recently I wonder why though.

But anyways if you did read the first part fully, I'm sorry for the derogatory language.

P.S. Without your parents, you most likely would not have become what you are today and also without friends life is dull. Heart.