A Broken Family

Mom's slamin' things
Dad's apparently doing stupid things
Little ones don't understand what's going on.

As for me...I don't clearly understand the whole picture either.
I try my best to ignore the clashing emotions.
That obviously doesn't help. I'm tired of the fighting. It needs to stop.
the family is falling apart.
Mom and Dad are ignoring each other.
Brothers are in their own world.
And I'm stuck on the computer trying to distract myself from the feelings inside.
I feel so useless, so dumb, so helpless. There's nothing I can do to prevent the clashing of my parents. I am so weak...so scared to speak up to my parents. There's nothing I can do but to let it play out but I know that it's probably not going to end pretty.

I don't know... let's write a letter and leave until the fighting has stop.
That's so foolish.
1) where am I going to go
2) I don't have the ballz to carry it out
3) I'll just cause more problems than I already do :l

Made a wish at 11:11PM even though that probably didn't work...but hey worth a try right?
Then I went outside and looked up at the stars for an hour or so. Thought about each and every person important to me and wondered what I'd do without them. Life's not the same without the ones you love dearly. Life's too short for conflict. Forgive and forget...If it was only that simple.

The feeling I have is that
the only thing I can do is to pick up the the broken shards and fragments of this family and try to glue them back together to be whole again, but even so I'm not good at that. I'm starting to pour my blood and sweat into school now just to try and relieve stress for my parents, I'm too late. I'm fucking 9 years late.

So many regrets have I. It's so hard to let go. Every time I let go I really don't because it comes back to haunt me. I just want to forget it all. I envy families that are regularly happy. I envy that strong bond that they have. I pray every night for my parents. but I have a feeling that I don't pray hard enough or with enough feeling they seem like hollow words.

sigh*