Let's Have a ROUGH Time?!

Who the fuck would want that?

Well at the moment parents are having a rough time. Mom and Dad just went for a ride so apparently my dad could make some money for fixing something. And I guess my dad was like hell no because he's sick or has back problems? and backed out but my mom kept pushing him to do it so like they came home dad went outside into the backyard that' when he's trying to relax or get his mind off it or reflecting to himself. While my mom came into the study cause that's where her stuff (laptop, books, etc) grabbed it and while collecting her materials she talked to me about how my dad is a cho ma, khon nang, and other stuff and just like how she was trying to help but like he spat in her face (not literally). I erno it's like several years ago there was a promise. A promise where my dad said okay he'll work so my mom can study and then my mom will do the same after she has had her fill of education and like they were both working at the time so uhh w/e the promise such a bucnh of bullshit. Life doesn't work like that.

up till now my mom has been laid off since 2001 looking for a job while my dad has been working his fucking ass off. My mom has been working her ass off at home too but her looking for a job and house work. The family is going through a hard time a very rough and hard time.

My dad is getting old and is retired. But we can't get his retirement funds or w/e because of the economic recession or w/e or like the reiterment plan that we have currently won't allow a large money withdrawl. In reality his retirement fund isn't enough. Up to my knowledge, we are legitamitely going bankrupt.

Back to today, she after collectign her stuff she stormed off to go to the library to study to get her mind off things. I see it runs in the family now all we ever do is run away from our problems. Anyways right before she left, she said that she show the fucker (Dad[didn't say fucker, soemthing in vietnamese taht's equally bad maybe worse]) and she said to me soemthing about a divorce. That shook me a little.

"I hate how everything the parents do affect the kids and ultimately the kids can't do jack."

I thought to myself long ago that oh if she said divorce ever again I wouldn't believe it. When I was I was little there were one too many bluffs. Now that I'm older I can actaully see it happening. During these times of hardship/economic recession shouldn't families be striving to keep ir real and toghether?

I was talking Frere Phong the other day and he said something along the lines of: Parents out of love aruge with each other. During these times they argue because for example they see the the possiblility that the children will starve or w/e and that brings stress and tension and all hell breaks loose.

And when my left I thought about her words and started letting the tears flow a bit and then after awhile my eyes were read ya know and my dad came in fuck. He asked why I was crying, I told him I just had itchy eyes apparently in both eyes. He then asked did my mom say anything I shook my head in reply. Then he left to costco.

The feeling of hopelessness sucks. Can't do shit. Afraid to go out of your own comfort zone. I am so selfish... fuck why am i selfish.......just damn it all.

But after talking with with a person that has already gone through this, I saw that this is not as bad as he had it. So I really shoudldn't be complaining. I mean it was the same situation but I can see that the level of difficulty is outstandingly different. He gave advice it was good I thank him so much for that. I also thank the other guy for listening well both them for listening.

sigh*